walking through a bullet storm title of post is inspired by ghost reacon, a stupid game inspired by tom clancy's novel that my brothers are xbox-ing over outside.definitely a bullet storm.this reminds me yet again of the class boys who are just waiting to get over to my house and hijack my xbox/xbox 360.hmm.in a few days the war's going to start.

but that's besides the point really.nowadays,esp this week.i can testify that we're all walking through our own bullet storms.steph was really down yesterday over her results.and today it was my turn when i S'd econs,not very proudly that's for sure.i more or less deserved it,have to say.i mean i was like flunking all my essays before that..don't even need premonition to tell me im NOT going to get A for econs eventhough i studied my guts out for 4 days.more results coming.sigh.GOD GOD GOD.nevermind,im taking whatever you throw my way Lord.

regular life has not been much better.WR finished 2 days ago.and so begins the stress over OP.im still caught up in post-exam mode,and although A lvl Chinese is around the bend in early november,im actually still watching goong and doing practically nothing at all if i can help it.im a lazy shit.

sigh,pardon the vulgarity but there's been lots of rubbish churning around my social circle.things i come to hear about,things im forced to think about,things i don't want to care about but can't because it seriously isn very Christlike to just condemn a man based on rumours and never have anything to do with him again.but then again the Bible also says,say it once to a sinful man,but if he refuses to change his evil ways,it's better to have nth more to do with him.im guessing,simply pray.but actually when i think about the issue of completely writing him off and condemning him in my mind to the depths of the hell im able to comprehend..i don't feel like ever praying for him again.i did before,and for the rest of them.it's like the same way i felt with nicole.i loved her as my sister,us being in the same class and good friends for 4 years.but after a while it just seems so fruitless and i don't see the need to even bother with her anymore.cut ties once,cut all ties.im still not sure if that's the way to go about things.

why do i feel so guilty about this pending condemnation?my mind is definitely made up and so is my heart.he failed the humanitarian test.but before he did i was prompted to pray for the weirdest things for him.zwing and i on the roof that night,talking to chook over the phone.us puzzling over why God would have even prompted me to pray for love for these young men.why love?not for me,duh.but why love for them?why that strong urgency to intervene spiritually..over what? what was that sexual purity thing about,really? questions just keep unfolding.if i hadn't gone through that incident and if zwing hadn't been there to make me sit up and take it seriously..right now he would be completely dead and gone to me.and knowing myself i really couldn't give two hoots to anyone i wrote off my list viciously.i may be emotional,but i think ppl can vouch for me that i can be equally hardhearted.

such a dilemma over nothing.i don't even want to have anything to do with that Bunch anymore.not ever see them again.not ever pray for them again..but talking to chook i did eventually consider this to myself,that when i chose to go about our odd relationship the human way,things got real bad.when i stopped praying,things like these start surfacing more than ever.in a vulgar,ostentatious manner.in-your-face shocks.and then i want to stop taking this human path towards things.i really do.was telling chook last night,me not praying is not helping one bit.me going gaga seems to have weird side effects.

and im not close enough to God to hear anymore,like iv stopped listening.more interested in listening to the world's gossip session and knowing the latest.more interested in forming my own disgusted opinions and turning my eyes towards my handphone for the latest news.instead of falling back to the Lord and asking His opinion.His news that matters the most,that loves the most.only the Lord can have such magnanimous love towards these ppl.when all you want to do is go the easy way and detest them,God goes the other way and reaches out a hand to save them.regardless of who they are,what they've done,what they're going to do.and it's amazing to me now,even as i think about this fact.because whilst my social circle sits back and gaps at their outrageous behaviour,condemning these fools in our hearts and feeling comforted that we're not as sinful as they are..well..who's to say,honestly? let him who has never sinned throw the first stone.

zwing is disturbed by it all,and so am i.i have no idea what chook's stand on all this crap is.what would Jesus do? im guessing,He probably would have not gone all emotionally tied to things,but instead spiritually guide them back home.He would have not bothered with rumours and gossip,since He already knows everything,each man's heart and intention.He would have prayed for them as He came before the Father (DAILY,hint hint!!!) and with a pure and truly honest heart,begged for divine intervention and mercy on their behalf.sigh,He would have loved them so much,and He does.i did manage to pull that off once,that day zwing and i were on the roof.i was actually on the floor and in tears just coming before the Lord and obeying the huge impression i was getting by praying for exactly what was supposedly wrong.them and their lives.but after promos i fell back into my own sinful self and hung up on the Father.haven't been talking too much to Him lately.would rather talk with the world.

which completely sucks,yeah?don't want to do that..shall pray for them la.sigh.God give me strength man. (: Jesus I love YOU.

i so need to start living that purpose-driven life.  ¶ 5:24 PM 0 comments