born to blade;raised to FLY
20051201
trading my sorrows for His joy
im gona sleep soon.was talking to a whole lot of ppl abt the china english lessons thing.i duno where ray has disappeared off to.anyhows,seen a lot of ppl online.so far i still am quite stuck and mark is still sleeping.haha he better get well soon.i am in desperate need of help.
anyhows,was talking to duane just only.realized i am STILL mulling over the prom.i hafn really figured out why i din really like it.he enjoyed his alot cos there was a lot of dancing in china black and pretty girls.HAHA k that's possibly the straightforward version of his description of his prom.anyhows,i duno!i mean i really am still feeling the aftermath.the insignificance,and truthfully the envy/fear that i didn't look anyth like everyone else.like,everyone was so salon-attacked.it was like,i din fit anywhere into all the glitter and glam,and it made me wonder whether i had just spent 4 years in SC knowing these ppl who are just 'one-of-them'.the women of tmr,who are caught up in a world of aesthetics,makeup,beauty and parties.and it prolly has to do with how i myself have nv accepted my ever being in that sort of world.cos i always felt inadequate,not like girls my age..how i was the different one.how i will nv be able to look like them.and how i actually do.i mean,against all my non-conformist beliefs,i do wanna be salon-attacked and glittery.but theres this side of me who knows il nv look as good,nv be able to dress up in anything i want and have a great party time.prom was like..the place to be if you were beautiful and sexy.not a place where someone like me wld end up.
gosh did i feel ugly and totally insignificant.ashamed of myself to a certain pt.seeing everyone so grownup,superficial and laughing away in the dim lights.all i wanted to do was like put on my regular clothes and be covered up.hidden perhaps.yet i had to be stuck in the whirlwind of it all,where everyone partied and took pictures like crazy.sheesh,im like the lowselfesteem person.it made me miserable la.for once i felt so left out and not part of the SC spirit.
which was a waste.prom was supposed to be fun.
it was like playing princess and the pauper.i was the underdressed/madeup pauper next to all the bejeweled slinkydressed princesses.i think i cld have cried.haha i must be in depression or sth.
anyhows im gona miss kl when she goes to aussie.she'll be in china tmr! and right now im possibly missing david who's in taiwan cos i hafn talked to him in ages.not after Os.i wld have liked to talk to him abt the prom stuff.he'll prolly offer his great pieces of advice.HAHA.
come back dave!!
oh and missions is in 3 days.oh,the excitement and frightful anticipation!
btw,esmond is going to be prom king. (heard that? not the ugliest king) i mean if james guk won prom king,im sure esmond can. :)
esmond 'prom-king-vj-2005' loon.
or is that prom queen cinderella?
hee.k let me forget the prom stuff. ¶ 1:03 AM 0 comments
im gona sleep soon.was talking to a whole lot of ppl abt the china english lessons thing.i duno where ray has disappeared off to.anyhows,seen a lot of ppl online.so far i still am quite stuck and mark is still sleeping.haha he better get well soon.i am in desperate need of help.
anyhows,was talking to duane just only.realized i am STILL mulling over the prom.i hafn really figured out why i din really like it.he enjoyed his alot cos there was a lot of dancing in china black and pretty girls.HAHA k that's possibly the straightforward version of his description of his prom.anyhows,i duno!i mean i really am still feeling the aftermath.the insignificance,and truthfully the envy/fear that i didn't look anyth like everyone else.like,everyone was so salon-attacked.it was like,i din fit anywhere into all the glitter and glam,and it made me wonder whether i had just spent 4 years in SC knowing these ppl who are just 'one-of-them'.the women of tmr,who are caught up in a world of aesthetics,makeup,beauty and parties.and it prolly has to do with how i myself have nv accepted my ever being in that sort of world.cos i always felt inadequate,not like girls my age..how i was the different one.how i will nv be able to look like them.and how i actually do.i mean,against all my non-conformist beliefs,i do wanna be salon-attacked and glittery.but theres this side of me who knows il nv look as good,nv be able to dress up in anything i want and have a great party time.prom was like..the place to be if you were beautiful and sexy.not a place where someone like me wld end up.
gosh did i feel ugly and totally insignificant.ashamed of myself to a certain pt.seeing everyone so grownup,superficial and laughing away in the dim lights.all i wanted to do was like put on my regular clothes and be covered up.hidden perhaps.yet i had to be stuck in the whirlwind of it all,where everyone partied and took pictures like crazy.sheesh,im like the lowselfesteem person.it made me miserable la.for once i felt so left out and not part of the SC spirit.
which was a waste.prom was supposed to be fun.
it was like playing princess and the pauper.i was the underdressed/madeup pauper next to all the bejeweled slinkydressed princesses.i think i cld have cried.haha i must be in depression or sth.
anyhows im gona miss kl when she goes to aussie.she'll be in china tmr! and right now im possibly missing david who's in taiwan cos i hafn talked to him in ages.not after Os.i wld have liked to talk to him abt the prom stuff.he'll prolly offer his great pieces of advice.HAHA.
come back dave!!
oh and missions is in 3 days.oh,the excitement and frightful anticipation!
btw,esmond is going to be prom king. (heard that? not the ugliest king) i mean if james guk won prom king,im sure esmond can. :)
esmond 'prom-king-vj-2005' loon.
or is that prom queen cinderella?
hee.k let me forget the prom stuff. ¶ 1:03 AM 0 comments
