born to blade;raised to FLY
20050221
anything to be with you
ryan cabRERA is really cute.actually i hated that 'true' song that rowe liked so much,but yesterday i found out that hes really really cute and not old and fugly like the song made him sound like :) ah sigh hes almost hot.anyhow,im still the old moody person i was yesterday.and the day before.my mood hasn changed much and im all crabby and cry-able.and no,its not PMS.darling lao shi knew the minute i blew up at nicky the other day and punched him in the face.she understood.she made me cry.a lot.
i cant believe im not so over that US thing.i mean,it was so yesterday.one minute im all enlightened and peaceful and ready to go where the Lord flings me to,and suddenly this week its like some atomic bomb dropped back onto me.okay i keep digressing on msn.kl has been really sweet and un-creepy these few days too.she msgd me to say sorry she hadn written a letter yet.but of course iv been so mellow these days i had in turn forgotten she even owed me one.i digress!i repeat wat i just told mark.im in this big denial thing.im not fazing out as much,but i definitely am refusing to accept the leaving.this thursday we haf to sign up for O lvls.i cant believe i wun be one of everyone else doing so!i CANT bring myself NOT to do it no matter how much i swore that i din CARE.
like,dang blast it.watever.i din even hate life here.
i haf probably lost the ability to be honest.especially when it comes to doing so with myself.
its not the end of the world,but its the beginning of another life.its hurting me so much i cant even look out the window and see a brighter day ahead.i am so messed up.i think abt people i love.people i love to hate,and people i hate to love.people i cant do without.people i want to see everyday day/week.people i want to BE WITH.
yes yes.its hard but its possible to leave it all behind and fly away.
but my gosh,i'll miss my darlings.
i cant believe im not so over that US thing.i mean,it was so yesterday.one minute im all enlightened and peaceful and ready to go where the Lord flings me to,and suddenly this week its like some atomic bomb dropped back onto me.okay i keep digressing on msn.kl has been really sweet and un-creepy these few days too.she msgd me to say sorry she hadn written a letter yet.but of course iv been so mellow these days i had in turn forgotten she even owed me one.i digress!i repeat wat i just told mark.im in this big denial thing.im not fazing out as much,but i definitely am refusing to accept the leaving.this thursday we haf to sign up for O lvls.i cant believe i wun be one of everyone else doing so!i CANT bring myself NOT to do it no matter how much i swore that i din CARE.
like,dang blast it.watever.i din even hate life here.
i haf probably lost the ability to be honest.especially when it comes to doing so with myself.
its not the end of the world,but its the beginning of another life.its hurting me so much i cant even look out the window and see a brighter day ahead.i am so messed up.i think abt people i love.people i love to hate,and people i hate to love.people i cant do without.people i want to see everyday day/week.people i want to BE WITH.
yes yes.its hard but its possible to leave it all behind and fly away.
but my gosh,i'll miss my darlings.
i'm weak,its true;im just scared to know the ending¶ 10:38 PM 0 comments
