why? because I love you the title is going to be entirely out of point by the time I finish this.hey i capitalized my I!(: weird.at any rate,my short but fulfilling conversation with daryl gan,j2 cosiety boy made me think in the little corner of my brain (whilst struggling with the other section to focus on my lit AND talk on MSN).

it's about how vulnerable ppl are really.we were just talking randomly about how friendster is good for finding old friends,and i mentioned yeah if you want shocks abt how some ppl have gotten over the past few years.and then i mentioned sth about how joel chia acquired hotness,and after that daryl commented that ppl never really do change actually,along with their looks.and i said sth that made me doubleover with amazement that im not that stupid.i replied to his remark that it was when you recognized how similar these changed beings are to who they were years before do you then understand how vulnerable they really are.you see past all their exteriors build them up to be and even a passing glance in their eyes can tell you a load of story behind it all.and it leaves them looking small,scared and as confused as you are in the big big world.the big fishes in the small ponds start resembling small fishes in a big ocean when you look carefully and care to peek what lies beneath their polished outershells.i think what made me think of that in particular was the passing thought i had recently about how im beginning to see world-weariness in joel.i don't know,i don't even care about him much because we virtually don't know each other.but when i think abt him 7 years ago and i remember all he was then now,he becomes a kid before my eyes again and i see human fraility in him.this is a completely unfounded hypothesis,and not important either.i bet if someone foreign read this they'll think i like joel.stop being so uncreative.

and then again steph let me read charles' blog.i cannot give 2 hoots abt charles honestly,and charles if u ever read this and choose to hate me for the rest of ur life,im not trying to deface ur precious name or sth.it's not.listen to wat i have to say,if u find it of any importance.if u dun,too bad.yeah so i don't know why but steph mentioned charles and his blog today at cartel so i decided to have a looksee.expertly (expert at flipping quickly thru words thanks to great ex and great gatsby) reading all his viewable entries in about a minute,i stopped disliking charles for that one minute and started trying to see the guy who sits at his computer typing away at these entries.i put aside all bias,and felt his personality just flow through me.and it was rather moving.i think iv gone into some psychotic mode now,but on the other hand it was a serious moment for me.i actually let myself feel a bit of what charles had to share of himself in his blog.and it was like this minute of normal,not that egoistic boy.a real person,with real worth and human quality.that's what i call inner beauty man.even if charles doesn have a lot, or at least i haven found alot yet,watever he let go off of his inner self made me sit up and take notice that so many ppl drift through life surreal and unaffected,only to miss the very essence of the ppl they come into contact with.

and ppl like steph and me and possibly a lot more angsty teenagers spend their lives worrying about getting married and what NOT,i was watching an advertisement just now on channel 8 and it was about mentally disabled ppl.i mean seriously,the thought by the end of it was..this is it.we have to stop doing this.wat we worry about in our lives NOW have no substance in contrast to the vast majority of the world's burdens!these ppl will probably never get a chance to be with someone,to fall in love,to look fantastic and be loved for looking fantastic.what the hell,they don't get a chance to be what we all want to be secretly --stars in our own place.and what are we doing complaining and lamenting about being ugly or fat or simply inadequate in juxtaposition to the world? i don't know.i seriously don't know.we need to start looking at the essence of ppl,who they truly are inside,and stop putting up the worldy barrier of judging someone based on looks,even yourself.i tend to dislike good looking ppl for their major attitude problems.and i also tend to hold up that goody-2-shoes opinion that sometimes the not that good looking ppl are the best hearted.it's not fair to anyone then.even goodlooking ppl have hearts,have souls and some have God.many have consciences.many are just people,just kids,just as scared in a big world as i am,you are.we have to start feeling ppl from the inside out.not the outside in.

we've overlooked so many fellow brothers and sisters as we walk through life blindly.we make up our minds too fast,and change them too slow.we are bothered by the physical,but are too easily contented with what we presume is the mental,psychological and spiritual.we never give others,and sometimes even ourselves, a second chance.in bid to attain friendship and immediate happiness in our relationships,we forget to stop sitting comfortably with the ppl we call our friends laughing our lungs out,and instead fully immersing ourselves in the precious density of who they really are.

my friends,you probably want to know why i even bother thinking about you so deeply these days.why? because I love you.

looks like i haven't gone too out of point,really.  ¶ 12:05 AM 0 comments