born to blade;raised to FLY
20060414
it is finished.
this could possibly just another pseudo part of dicken's book where things just cannot happen the way they do in the book as they would in real life.i don't see how pip could ever like estella the way he does,it's just ridiculous.love? my foot.but as dicken's is a guy,the whole approach to pip's emotions for estella is straightforward,uncomplicated,very unrealistic.whilst everything else in the book is not any more realistic,the love story of the book documents the uncomplex reaction of hatred towards a love gone-astray, and unquestionable love for someone you barely know.as a consolation,estella is beautiful,which makes the love story of pip and her even more superficial.pip is an ass.
but judging the quote above without any other context,the statement seems to really hit home.the line is just so nostalgic,melancholic.whatever.for once dicken's managed to capture honest human emotion.a confession of a love that lasts through all ugliness of character,disappointment in friendship and distance of relationship.a quotable.
i think the tides have really turned this year.things are happening inside me.notions i have come to accept finally from the past are dying.my dude-craziness rose,got everyone's attention,forced me to admit things i would have never admitted,brought me closer to ppl i never would have thought id be close to.looking back on these months,iv changed.it may be for the better.instead of suppressing the reality of who i am inside,coming out into the open and just appreciating boys outloud for the blessed beings they can be has actually changed other aspects of my life.it has rushed past and upset my mindset of the taboo of ever loving someone unrequitedly,of hiding emotions away and getting all tangled and confused inside.sometimes things just have to be sorted out in the open,only then can the knots be undone and let go to the wind.
i have loved long,long and dearly like pip did,long and hard and now freely.but it comes to a point as such today,when i am forced to take a breath of the situation and decide that perhaps everything iv ever done to fill the hole i placed his name in has been done,and nothing has changed much.everything i ever got and built is as empty as ever.the foundation of something requited is just not there.it never will be,honestly.nothing will ever happen.it was all a facade i deceived myself with.i don't regret a thing iv done,no matter how long it has taken me.it has made me stronger,and truer to myself.
do things like these happen to only me? only the people who are unable to get the one they love to love them? these people would rather not love because it ends up meaningless and empty at the end of the day.as rachel was telling me yesterday,in the end it's only me.quoting steph's blog,'i would rather be alone,than lonely'.
i think it doesn matter who can take the place iv reserved far too long.there can be no one i guess,because whatever i expect can only be fulfilled by one person.a template no one else can fit.even if there never comes a day when someone else takes top spot,i look back at all my great friends and they're all ready to catch me when i fall.friendship supercedes all else.a love story between each of us friends that stays platonic,special and comforting.and even if i do guess that that person already does exist,suspect that something else lies beneath the surface of things waiting to explode,or am moved by influence into boundaries i don't really wish to cross,in the end it's only me.i make the choice.i have the power to do what i want.to take my own sweet time.there's all the time to take anyway.
this isn giving up.this isn letting go.this is putting down.like a child holds forbidden candy that isn't hers,only to deliberate for a period of time before it's evident that perhaps she should just place the candy back.it never was hers,but she did hold it,she didn't throw it away.she just put it down.it's still there lying in wait for a more deserving someone to take and eat,but to the child it always will be there,something she wanted,never got,but never disappeared.
to you;it's not something in the air,or the crazy notion of love.you've opened a chasm deep inside me,you didn't fill it,i didn't fill it.no one ever can.it'll never close,but i think it's time to move along. ¶ 2:44 PM 0 comments
"you know that I love you. You know that I have loved you long and dearly." -Pip to Estella in Great Expectations
this could possibly just another pseudo part of dicken's book where things just cannot happen the way they do in the book as they would in real life.i don't see how pip could ever like estella the way he does,it's just ridiculous.love? my foot.but as dicken's is a guy,the whole approach to pip's emotions for estella is straightforward,uncomplicated,very unrealistic.whilst everything else in the book is not any more realistic,the love story of the book documents the uncomplex reaction of hatred towards a love gone-astray, and unquestionable love for someone you barely know.as a consolation,estella is beautiful,which makes the love story of pip and her even more superficial.pip is an ass.
but judging the quote above without any other context,the statement seems to really hit home.the line is just so nostalgic,melancholic.whatever.for once dicken's managed to capture honest human emotion.a confession of a love that lasts through all ugliness of character,disappointment in friendship and distance of relationship.a quotable.
i think the tides have really turned this year.things are happening inside me.notions i have come to accept finally from the past are dying.my dude-craziness rose,got everyone's attention,forced me to admit things i would have never admitted,brought me closer to ppl i never would have thought id be close to.looking back on these months,iv changed.it may be for the better.instead of suppressing the reality of who i am inside,coming out into the open and just appreciating boys outloud for the blessed beings they can be has actually changed other aspects of my life.it has rushed past and upset my mindset of the taboo of ever loving someone unrequitedly,of hiding emotions away and getting all tangled and confused inside.sometimes things just have to be sorted out in the open,only then can the knots be undone and let go to the wind.
i have loved long,long and dearly like pip did,long and hard and now freely.but it comes to a point as such today,when i am forced to take a breath of the situation and decide that perhaps everything iv ever done to fill the hole i placed his name in has been done,and nothing has changed much.everything i ever got and built is as empty as ever.the foundation of something requited is just not there.it never will be,honestly.nothing will ever happen.it was all a facade i deceived myself with.i don't regret a thing iv done,no matter how long it has taken me.it has made me stronger,and truer to myself.
do things like these happen to only me? only the people who are unable to get the one they love to love them? these people would rather not love because it ends up meaningless and empty at the end of the day.as rachel was telling me yesterday,in the end it's only me.quoting steph's blog,'i would rather be alone,than lonely'.
i think it doesn matter who can take the place iv reserved far too long.there can be no one i guess,because whatever i expect can only be fulfilled by one person.a template no one else can fit.even if there never comes a day when someone else takes top spot,i look back at all my great friends and they're all ready to catch me when i fall.friendship supercedes all else.a love story between each of us friends that stays platonic,special and comforting.and even if i do guess that that person already does exist,suspect that something else lies beneath the surface of things waiting to explode,or am moved by influence into boundaries i don't really wish to cross,in the end it's only me.i make the choice.i have the power to do what i want.to take my own sweet time.there's all the time to take anyway.
this isn giving up.this isn letting go.this is putting down.like a child holds forbidden candy that isn't hers,only to deliberate for a period of time before it's evident that perhaps she should just place the candy back.it never was hers,but she did hold it,she didn't throw it away.she just put it down.it's still there lying in wait for a more deserving someone to take and eat,but to the child it always will be there,something she wanted,never got,but never disappeared.
to you;it's not something in the air,or the crazy notion of love.you've opened a chasm deep inside me,you didn't fill it,i didn't fill it.no one ever can.it'll never close,but i think it's time to move along. ¶ 2:44 PM 0 comments
im being a complete embarrassment to myself,since ppl keep misinterpreting me.i have quit being boycrazy,please do note this.
i have changed for the better!
basically besides noting iv been blogging about totally utter rubbish at totally retarded times of night,im not proud of anyth about myself for now cept that iv conquered the amazing road to changi jetty AND completed GREAT EX.
followup to prior blog post posted 10 minutes ago,basically i may have met someone who impresses me more than i do myself.oh and my mother made me think about what kind of person im going to marry.she's afraid it'll be someone she doesn like.
on a lighter note,dave's back again tonight.probably already back home snoozing.
and speaking of snoozing,i bet i wun be able to wake up tmr for GOODFRIDAY SERVICE (yay jesus died for ME!/US!) thus my snooze button might just be overused.
it's great having you back tbbitw.(: ¶ 2:05 AM 0 comments
i have changed for the better!
basically besides noting iv been blogging about totally utter rubbish at totally retarded times of night,im not proud of anyth about myself for now cept that iv conquered the amazing road to changi jetty AND completed GREAT EX.
followup to prior blog post posted 10 minutes ago,basically i may have met someone who impresses me more than i do myself.oh and my mother made me think about what kind of person im going to marry.she's afraid it'll be someone she doesn like.
on a lighter note,dave's back again tonight.probably already back home snoozing.
and speaking of snoozing,i bet i wun be able to wake up tmr for GOODFRIDAY SERVICE (yay jesus died for ME!/US!) thus my snooze button might just be overused.
it's great having you back tbbitw.(: ¶ 2:05 AM 0 comments
gosh,somethings awfully wrong with me.i can't blog right,i can't talk right.i can't think right.as in,not that im thinking anyth wrong,but just,i think im a little warped now.
like,some force has taken over me.it may be unhealthy.
is it unhealthy to not like a person yet be so drawn to him/her in a nonromantic nonobsessive but...odd kind of way? ¶ 1:42 AM 0 comments
like,some force has taken over me.it may be unhealthy.
is it unhealthy to not like a person yet be so drawn to him/her in a nonromantic nonobsessive but...odd kind of way? ¶ 1:42 AM 0 comments
